I showed him my bush... on skype.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
