yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
