i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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