I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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