I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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