We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
