worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
