And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
