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i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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