And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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