i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
