and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
