so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
