The maid of honor just puked.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
