I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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