Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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