Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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