Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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