Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize