super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
