I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
