so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
