How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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