Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
