yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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