when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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