At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
