You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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