I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
