Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
