I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Come on in and take your pants off
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