I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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