jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
