Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
