oh god the rape fog is back!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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