I will die if light touches me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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