I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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