I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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