Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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