I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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