no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ok first of all what the fuck
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
