Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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