I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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