we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
