and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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