never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
