Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize