why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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