i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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