eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
