i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
