i need an iv and a liver transplant
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
