im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize