Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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