HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
