I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
