i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
