he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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