New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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