I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
