He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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