Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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