just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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