That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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