The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
