he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
