that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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