fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
