We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
