Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I smell stomach acid.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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