New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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