stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Randomize
