Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
