We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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